March 2023

     The years are long, but the days are short.  The past couple of years, this saying has been a saving grace and at the same time, a knife to the heart that instantly produces tears.  As a full-time working wife and mom, I was starting to feel like a robot and not a person. I try so hard to stop and enjoy the moments, but the anxieties, work quotas, planning, etc. snap me out of it.  You don’t have to be a Mom to know what I am talking about.  Wake up, get dressed, kids, meals, work, activities, friends, family and somehow fit some time for my husband and me.  It all seems to blend into one long day and you forget that you have a life and things that make you feel whole outside of the to-do lists.  It took me a long time to figure out it is normal to feel this way.  I was searching for a purpose to fill this void I had in my heart for something I could not figure out. I wanted to do more, help more, and gain more for my life.  I sat in church praying that God would give me a sign or direct me to what he wanted me to do.

     I can still remember the announcement of the men’s ACTS retreat at Sunday mass.  My husband Kenny looked at me and said without hesitation, I am signing up.  I felt proud and at the same time ashamed for thinking there was no way I would sign up at this moment in my “busy” life.  How could anything get done without me home or at work?  I made 100 excuses to not sign up when the women’s retreat opened up.  So, what did I do when Father Tim announced the women’s retreat? Of course, I didn’t sign up.  Again, the excuses came rushing back to me and I put it off, thinking I got away with it.  Months had passed and I was sitting in church and hearing the retreat is now on a waitlist so I knew I would just do the next one. But God had other plans.  I had no idea that Kenny had signed me up and I had made it off the waitlist.  I gave in and told God, “Let’s do this.”

     I was a nervous wreck pulling up to attend the retreat, putting myself in a position I had no control over, which for me was the biggest hurdle. I have been on retreats in the past, but this was different.  I am an adult with a job, a family and bigger responsibilities.  The anxiety poured over me as my daughters and husband hugged me the last time and tears began to well up, but I just took deep breaths and started the journey.  

     Attending the ACTS retreat was a gift.  I found this inner peace and strength I haven’t felt in a really long time.  Some would think by going to Catholic School and attending church regularly, you are just open to expressing your beliefs.  Singing those catchy church songs no longer seem cool to do as an adult so you withdraw and hold back.  Through the experience of the ACTS retreat, I gained this confidence to speak willingly about my faith and that has been eye opening.  God had a plan for me to be on this retreat with these incredible women from all walks of life.  Being able to sit with women who comfortably talk about their faith and struggles makes me emotional to think about how fortunate I am. He brought us all together to experience this journey together and what it has done for me personally after, has been the greatest blessing.  

     You are worth God’s time so why not make time for him?