April 2019

     I am a cradle Catholic.  I grew up in St. Agnes Parish and received all of my sacraments there.  I was baptized, had my first confession, my first Eucharist, was confirmed, and finally married in that church. 

     Fast forward a few years and the marriage fell apart. We decided to part ways, and a civil separation and divorce followed.  There were no children born of this marriage.

     Fast forward a few more years and I met Bean.  After a few years, we become engaged.  Due to our ages (we were both approaching our late 30s), and wanting to have children, we had a fairly short 9 month engagement.  Once we had decided to marry, I looked into having my previous marriage annulled by the Catholic Church.  Bean had never been married, so she did not need an annulment. In speaking with a couple of priests, we realized that the process (at that time) would take between 18 and 24 months.  Not wanting to risk waiting that length of time to start a family, we were married in a civil ceremony.    It was my intention to work on my annulment after our wedding. 

     Twenty months later Bean was pregnant with our first child.  I knew it was time to revisit the annulment process.  At that time I had heard, through the grapevine, that the process was extremely difficult, both emotionally and process wise.  Once again I put the annulment process on hold.  There was a period of prayer and soul searching that followed.  Eventually, guided by a priest who knew about my situation, I decided to move forward with the annulment.  My spirituality had been growing and I wanted once again to be in full communion with the Catholic Church.

     On face value, the process seemed to be excessive and complicated.  I needed to document in narrative form all aspects of my life before marriage, my former spouse’s life before marriage, our courtship, our wedding, our marriage and our separation.  There were quite a few nights I stared at a blank piece of paper unable to revisit a painful time.  However with the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to complete the document.  I needed 2 witnesses who could “testify” to the events of my previous marriage and was blessed once again with helpers who agreed to document their views of our relationship, as defined by a questionnaire prepared by the Church.

     Once the documents were sent in, the process continued on its own with very little information needed from me or my ex.   There was no judging of my character and I had nothing to be embarrassed about as no priest “took me to task” for being a failure in my marriage.

     Once I finally got moving on the process, the annulment took about 8 months from start to finish.  My priest, who guided me during the process and readily answered any questions I had, was kind and gentle.  He knew what my reservations had been and handled them with grace. Looking back on the process, I’m not really sure why I waited.  The Metropolitan Tribunal, the Catholic court which processes and adjudicates matrimonial cases, kept us aware of each step as we went through the process.  They really make the entire annulment process as easy as possible.

     I’ve always found that when I am troubled by something, I pray about it.  This constant prayer through the annulment process brought me closer to God, as I developed a deeper relationship with Him.  I looked forward to the process ending where I could once again be in full communion with the Church.  But I mostly looked forward to Bean and I having our marriage convalidated.

     When I was asked to share this testimony about my annulment process, once again I prayed for guidance.  I was presented with a story of a couple who had the same impression of the annulment process as I once had.  They both needed annulments and were cautious about making the commitment to do it.  I then knew if I could assist even one couple in their struggle for full Catholic communion, the discomfort I might experience from going public with my story would be well worth it.   The annulment process is not as bad as you might think.  It doesn’t take as long as you feel it will.  And the experience will bring you closer to God.