March 2021

     It’s not a symbol. It’s actually Jesus.

     I made my first communion in second grade and didn’t know adoration existed until my senior year of high school.  Senior year at Chapelle, a friend of mine brought me to St. Benilde’s adoration chapel and it was the most tangible peace I had experienced to that point in my life.  

     After high school, I was able to spend some time in Medjugorje during the summers.  The main thing I hear about medjugorje is the PEACE. It’s truly unbelievable. But the reality is that it’s peaceful because of Jesus … and He’s not just in Medjugorje.

     I’m sure I was taught in school that the Eucharist is truly the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus, but I don’t think I listened. Or it didn’t sink in. When I was at LSU, I would pass Christ the King Church on my way to class every day.  The tabernacle was in the window on Highland, and at some point, the Holy Spirit gave me this thought that was like “if the Eucharist is truly Jesus, that’s a really big deal and he’s right there every day waiting for me to pass by because He loves me.”  I somehow ended up in this reflection on how I feel when I’m waiting to see the people I love most or when I want their attention. I imagined my best friends and family walking past me every day and knowing they had places to be, but wishing they would just say “hey.”  That series of thoughts led me to start popping into church on my way to class.  Some days it was for five minutes, some days it was a genuflect, “hey,” and run out.  It didn’t always feel magical or supernatural, and at times it wasn’t convenient, but it helped me form the habit of treating the Eucharist as the person it is, rather than a thing.

     The pop-ins led me to start setting aside chunks of time to spend in adoration.  What adoration ended up being for me was time to just sit with Jesus. Sometimes when I’m in adoration, I don’t even know if I say any specific words.  

     I think it was Mother Theresa who wrote about when she was in adoration and wouldn’t know what to pray for certain people, she would just picture their faces before Jesus. I find such great comfort in that. More often than not, I don’t have the words.  I don’t say much. I walk in with all my people in my heart and give them to Jesus.  Also, I am really easily distracted. So sometimes in adoration my mind is all over, but I just ask Jesus to come with me. We’re together while I’m distracted. I think (hope!) He’s okay with that, because my day is different when I leave. The way I see others. The way I work. The way I make decisions.  

     I have been so grateful that our parish has started monthly women’s adoration nights. It’s for one hour - once a month - the lights are off - and there is beautiful music. It’s also after bed time. And I WAIT for it. The peace of the night is wonderful and necessary, but I think the thing I’ve been most surprised by is how much I needed to see the effort the women around me are making to be with Jesus. We see familiar faces from our community at school drop off and pick up, the playground, the grocery, but to see so many at adoration at one time has truly strengthened my commitment to the Eucharist again. I know I should probably be focusing more on Jesus than on who else is there, but it has blessed me tremendously to know that so many people around me are devoted to the Eucharist beyond our Sunday obligation.

     These beautiful nights have gotten me back into the chapel again more regularly because I want the peace of Jesus more often than once a month. My husband, Aaron, and I have three young children, which of course has changed the time I am able to spend in an adoration chapel, so we’re back to mostly pop-ins for a while.  Jesus doesn’t need much time to change our hearts.